Love them anyways...

Lunch on a beautiful lake in Thailand on our way back from my best friend Eric's wedding

People are going to be a pain in the ass – love them anyways. People are going to try and push you away – love them anyways.  People are going to try and test you to see how much you care – love them anyways.  People are going to complain and lash out – love them anyways.  People are going to be rude – love them anyways.  People are going to judge you – love them anyways.  People are going to give you reasons to retreat, run, and disappear – love them anyways.

When I say “Love them anyways,” I am NOT referring to being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. I am actually referring to the EXACT opposite.  When we act with love, we are actually acting rationally and in line with our highest values.  It is a true sign of confidence, high self-esteem, and commitment to ourselves and others.  Acting with love says “You have no power over me. I am in control of my state and my confidence in who I am as a person is unshakable.” When we are reactionary, we give our control over our life and emotions to the other party.  Most often when people act out in any of the scenarios I mentioned above, it has very little to do with you and more to do with the other party’s personal stuff.  Many times when people lash out, complain, criticize, and sabotage it is a cry for help.  It is a sign of insecurity and/or fear. People complain, lash out, criticize, and sabotage when they are afraid and their needs are not being met but are unable to articulate them in a constructive manner.  At this point to act in a “Love them anyways” manner, you have two choices – to stay and dig deep to find out exactly what needs are not being met that are causing them to act in the manner they are acting or to make a conscious decision to separate yourself from the person or the situation because the relationship is detrimental to be in any longer.   From my experience, many times we resort to the second option out of fear or insecurity where it would be much more powerful to choose the first option. 

It is really easy to react emotionally when people are “attacking” you with complaints and judgments, but it takes a really strong person with great personal power to look at the person and their actions as a call for help and with love, sincerity and authenticity search for a way to use this situation to create a deeper bond and connection with the individual.  I have had patients in the office complain about everything from how long they have to wait to the results are not good enough or fast enough.  It would be very easy to take it personally and react in a not so constructive manner (which I admit I have done before). What they are really doing is making a call for help. They are saying “Please help me.” When I look at that as a call for help or a call for more of my presence, I acknowledge it and give it to them.  I find that this disarms them immediately and provides a space for a true connection to be made.  In my personal relationships I have been criticized or complained to about how I was behaving or acting  - as hard as that is to believe! LOL… Kidding. If I let my insecurity take over, I react emotionally and attack back and justify myself.  When I act with love, I acknowledge that they are just looking for more of my presence, my love, and my connection and I give it to them.  Rather than run due to fear, I dig in deeper and it strengthens our bond and commitment that would not have been possible any other way.

Life is full of opportunities to create magic moments with people.  People are crying and desperate for more love and more connection. They will complain, criticize, pull away, and lash out – love them anyways.

Love,

Matt

The Greatest Gift

We can only get so far in life if we do it alone.  We can accomplish so much more, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, when we share our lives with people we deeply care about.  At the beginning of the year, three of my best friends and myself created a mastermind or a think tank for us to constantly work on personal development and hold each other accountable in all areas of life for creating and living with ridiculously high standards.  It was created with the intention for it to be an open forum as well as a safe place for each of us to challenge and share with each other as well as put our egos aside and display a level of vulnerability that allows each of us to tap into the very core of our being and grow. It has evolved over the months as we dive deeper into who we are as individuals and tap into a place that is only possible from sharing candidly with other people.  We have tackled life goals, relationships, fears, and ego as well as victories and dreams.  We have shared tears and frustration, anger and resentment as well as joy and gratitude, passion and enthusiasm. The core people in my life remind me what true friendships and relationships are all about.  It’s about love and connection. It’s about growth. It’s about tapping into emotions that are only possible through sharing with other people from a place of unconditional love and acceptance. 

Many times we choose to share our life with people on a very superficial level. We only share a piece of ourselves for fear of rejection or not being good enough.  We create a life of acquaintances that we work hard to “look good” in front of. We create friendships that are fun but never truly challenge us from a place that can only come from complete vulnerability. We end up creating a life that is pleasant rather than a life that is exciting and truly fulfilling. 

I am beyond grateful for the people in the “inner circle” of my life.  I am grateful for the opportunity to share with them without judgment and vice versa.  One of the most challenging things you will ever do in your life is tap into the very core of who you are and put it on display for the people who are most important to you to see.  It requires a tremendous level of courage yet provides for the space where true love and connection are found.

Love,

Matt

Are you committed or are you attached?

Health talk at my office

The answer to this question is LIFE CHANGING.  I lived a large portion of my life full of attachments. Everything about my life, my wellbeing, and my happiness was attached to things or people.  I was attached to outcomes and to results from other people.  My life was very dependent on the perception of others, how things would turn out, or even the fear of how things would turn out.  I remember when I was scared to do public speaking because I was attached to whether or not people would like me. I was afraid to be vulnerable and reveal my true self because I was attached to people’s opinions of me.  I was afraid to take risks and welcome challenges into my life because I was attached to a very specific outcome.  I would give with expectations of receiving something and that something was very specific in every situation and there was no wavering from that.  Would you like to know the key to being UNHAPPY? Create rules and attachments that are so strict and stringent that they allow for no flexibility or adaptation.  Attach your happiness to the opinions of others. See yourself as a failure if achieve anything other than perfection.  It is when I started to shift my life from attachments to commitments that my life really transformed.

When you commit to something, you are focused on the process and the outcome from an internal perspective, not an external perspective.  What I mean is this – success and happiness is an inside job.  When I do a presentation or a lecture, rather than attaching myself to what the group will think about me, I commit myself to delivering the most powerful and empowering message I have ever delivered.  I have control over my commitment to give my all, to prepare, and to be fully present.  I have no control over how people are going to perceive me.  It is a useless emotion to attach myself to that.

Last week, we had our largest new patient health class to date.  We even had to go borrow chairs from other businesses in our area to accommodate everyone.  It was very exciting.  It is a class I am incredibly proud of and I KNOW the information is life changing.  In the past I would have been so concerned with whether or not the people would like me, like the information, and feel good about the talk.  Last week, rather then focus on the things I could not control, I decided to commit myself to giving everyone there everything I had.  I committed to focus on the delivery of the talk from the perspective of the answer to this one question, “What if everyone in the audience’s life was dependent on this one hour lecture and the information would literally change the present and future of the lives of themselves and the lives of their families?”  I had no other option than to commit myself to being fully present, connected, and passionate about every one of the 60 minutes I had with these people. 

What if we structured our life where we banished all attachments and committed ourselves instead to serving the highest versions of ourselves in every relationship, every business, every workout, and every single thing in our lives?  This may sound exhausting, but I promise, paradoxically, it adds a new dimension of energy, vigor, and excitement that so few people ever truly tap into.

What are you going to commit to today?

Love,
Matt

Is your life empowering...or not?

Waterfall in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Life is about the perspective we take in the following three situations: times of idleness where it appears as though nothing is happening, times of victory where it seems like everything is happening, and times of challenge where a wave crashes over us and it feels as though we are tumbling head over feet in a washing machine with no end in site.  The answer is the same for all three. We must create a perspective around gratitude and mobilization. We must be grateful for every situation that arises in our life because it all serves us in realizing our true potential.  

I grew up on the beach and I remember when I was a kid, I used to love to go body boarding on the big waves.  Some of my greatest memories were crashing and burning.  When I relaxed and did not try to fight the power of the wave, I could enjoy the excitement of the twisting and turning with a knowing that it would spit me out of the water in just a few moments.  When I fought it, I would instantly become scared and lose that sense of excitement.  On the opposite side of the coin, I could choose to find enjoyment in the process of riding a great wave while constantly evaluating what worked and what didn’t work so I could be even more successful next time.  

We always need to evaluate how we could’ve ridden that wave longer, faster, and even bring more people with us on the wave which will lead to more excitement, more fulfillment, and improve our ability to ride that wave even better. Some people are so good at this it appears they are riding a permanent wave of success, but I assure you they are not.  They are just so good around creating empowering perspectives while learning to right their crash and burns quickly and efficiently and extending their wave riding experience, it just appears that way.

When we manage our perspective on life’s experiences, we master our life.  When we learn how to create empowering meanings to EVERY situation, we master our life.  When we view life as a daring adventure that is meant to be lived fully and completely, we are able to find empowering meaning in the stillness of the water, rush of a monster wave, and even the crash and burn that will inevitably occur at times.  When we get to this point, we are able to experience the majesty of life in all of its forms and functions.  This is the key to life. 

Love,

Matt

Speak from the Heart

Inspiring the youth of Singapore

I had an opportunity to do something a couple of weeks ago that I have not done in a while.  It is something I am incredibly passionate about and fuels me up every time I get the chance to do it.  I had the honor and privilege to stand in front of 250+ students and share my heart with them.  I had the opportunity to share in a way that could potentially shape their future forever.  I had the opportunity to inspire and stimulate their minds to believe that they could create, be, do, and have anything in life that they wanted.  To them it may have just been a presentation that occupied one of their class periods, but to me, it was like having 250 pieces of clay with eyes to see, ears to hear, and a mind to create a vision.  To them they may have just been students, but to me, they were future leaders of families, communities, and companies. To them it may have been a talk about a job and a way to make money, but to me, they were future world-changers and world-leaders. 

How you view people will determine how you communicate with them.  How you view people will determine your ability to connect with them and for them to connect with you.  Believe in people and they will believe in themselves. Love people and they will begin to love themselves. Have a heart for people and watch your heart grow in the process. We begin to receive in proportion to that which we give to others.

Look for ways to contribute to people’s lives and watch your life change in the process. I guarantee it.

Love,

Matt

Perspective is EVERYTHING

This horse understands the power of perspective!

Hard work. Tenacity. Discipline. Passion. Enthusiasm. Charisma. Commitment. Growth. Contribution. Power. Communication. Compassion.  These are all the traits that come to mind when I think of the most successful people in the world.  They ooze these traits.  They live these traits. They structure their lives with these traits as the backbone. They use these traits to get stuff done and inspire others to follow them.  From the most successful leaders of households to the most successful leaders of companies, each carries with them the ability to tap into each of these traits on a regular basis.  As powerful as this list is, I believe the most powerful one of all has been left out – perspective.  Perspective is the ability to create empowering language around any situation.  It is the ability to create empowering language around situations that are pleasurable as well as painful.  Many people are equally paralyzed by pleasurable situations as well as painful ones.  Most people, when confronted with a pleasurable situation such as a great period of time in business, work, relationships, or health, they take their foot off of the accelerator and ride the wave of accomplishment.  They become immobilized from action because they just want to enjoy the ride.  This inevitably leads to a crash and burn which most interpret as pain which then leads to disappointment.  The person then has to make a choice whether or not to swim back out past the break in the ocean and look for another wave to ride in or to admit defeat and sit idly on the coast being an observer in life rather than an active participant.  Everything we do; every choice we make; everything in life we experience is either painful or pleasurable, mobilizing or immobilizing, based on the language we create around the experience. 

Listen, I know we would all love to permanently cruise down the pristine coastline on a permanently exhilarating wave, but the reality is that we are going to crash and burn at times and it is the choices we make while riding the wave as well as when we crash and burn that determines the quality of life we are going to live.  Or you can choose to ride a long, sissy wave but what is the fun in that? LOL

Let’s take a look at this. We paddle to exhaustion past the break and catch this amazing wave.  We have a choice to ride the wave into shore and then create a new plan or create a much larger plan for life that includes riding the wave as a integral part of our life plan constantly evaluating and re-evaluating what made that ride successful or unsuccessful. We understand that crashing is a part of the ride and quicker we get back on the board the quicker we can get ready for the next wave.  Here is a real key to life.  Can you find adventure and fulfillment in the crash? Can you find adventure and fulfillment in the struggle to paddle out past the break? Can you find adventure and fulfillment in the solitude of sitting idly and waiting for the next wave to come?

Love,

Matt

A Note from the Philippines

Yoga at The Farm, Philippines

Discipline just like any muscle in the body must be worked in order for it to be strengthened. We don't get stronger muscles by sitting back on our butts and watching television, and we don't gain more discipline and control over our lives by succumbing to every whim and desire that is presented in front of us. I read a book where this point was really driven home for me. It is a brilliant book called Way of the Peaceful Warrior. In this book there was a boy by the name of Dan Millman who was a superstar gymnast at the prestigious Stanford University. He was a straight A student, social butterfly, captain of the gymnastics team, and had everything in the world going for him - yet he woke up every night with nightmares and just couldn't find peace and happiness. It was on one of these sleepless nights that he ended up at the gas station for a chocolate milk when he ran into who would become his spiritual advisor - a man by the name of Socrates. Socrates took him on a journey to find peace, love, and happiness. On this journey, he made Dan give up anything that was unhealthy. He couldn't drink and the only thing he would have him eat for a while was fruit and herbal tea. One night, Dan met up with Socrates at a bar and Socrates was drinking whiskey and smoking a cigar. Dan questioned why he would do such a thing. Socrates told him that he is smoking a cigar and drinking a whiskey because he chooses to but he can stop any time. He is fully aware of the consequences of choosing a behavior but chooses to indulge in the moment with open eyes, full awareness, and the power of choice. This was a powerful point for me that I have tried to practice for many years now. Anything we don't have discipline over, owns us. I choose to not let anything own me. I choose to not let anything have power over me. It is for that reason that anytime I feel like I need to do something, eat something, or have something, I exercise the power of choice and refuse that thing until I have control over that.

As I sit here in a beautiful wellness retreat in the middle of the Philippine rainforest sipping on a green juice made from fresh vegetables from the garden, I truly get to reflect on this point. There are a few things in my life that I have wanted to release my need for - the need for coffee, the need for meat, the need for constant technology, and the need to be constantly productive. What would be the perfect opportunity to tackle all of these things together? Attend a vegan wellness retreat, where there is limited technology, no television, nothing to do but relax, and where they have only herbal teas as substitutes for coffee. I would be lying if I said this was easy and I haven't had any desire for meat, technology, coffee, or being productive, however, I am very grateful and empowered to be tackling some powerful influencers in my life.

Remember, whatever you don't have discipline over, owns you. Whatever you don't think you can do without, owns you. Whatever you have not been able to exercise the power of choice over, owns you. For some the vice is food. For others the vice is technology. For others the vice is people. I encourage you to take a major and honest inventory of your life and list all of the things that have control over you. Once you have that list, one by one start to resist the temptation to succumb to the power of these things over you. Once you resist long enough, you come to the realization that you do have a choice and you don't "need" these things. You begin to do things because you truly want to and not because you can't imagine your life without them. It is a practice I have been exercising for many years now, and the results are tremendous. It builds confidence, powerful, and freedom. We are never truly free until we create control and discipline around the things of which that we think we cannot.

Your life is yours for the taking. Go out and take control.

Love,

Matt