Good luck finding balance in life...

Favorite climbing gym in Singapore... Lots of balance needed here!

One of the greatest challenges I face in life is that of balance.  It is this state of being that appears to be quite elusive for me.  When I feel like I am getting closer, it is not so much that my life is in perfect balance.  It is more as if my life is standing still.  When things become balanced, one of our major human needs is put in serious jeopardy – growth.  It is actually a very interesting paradox.  We spend our lives in pursuit to achieve balance, yet if we were to ever really achieve balance, we lose the major need of growth in our lives. Many times our focus is on the attainment of balance rather than the pursuit of greatness.  Which do you feel is a more worthy goal – achievement of comfort and balance or the pursuit of excellence in all areas of our life?  It is not too much of a challenge to be great at one thing, but how about making it your life purpose to be great at ALL things that matter – being a great mother, father, lover, friend, influencer, financial steward, philanthropist, and health and wellness enthusiast? 

I find life to be a lot like spinning plates.  Do you remember seeing the person at the circus or on television who starts with one plate on a stick and starts to spin it?  Then once he gets that one plate spinning, he adds another and another and another? This continues until he has a dozen or more plates all spinning and he bounces from one to another to maintain its spinning.  If he focuses on one too long, the others start to wobble and will fall if neglected for too long.  If he focuses on the big picture and the mission of keeping all the plates spinning, he bounces back and forth from plate to plate to maintain the momentum.  No plate spins at maximal speed, yet the goal is for all of the plates to spin smoothly and efficiently to create balance.  The reality is that some of the plates will struggle at times to maintain momentum. Some will wobble and "call out" for help.  Others will seem to spin a bit more effortlessly and require less attention. It is a constant juggling act. The one that gets the immediate attention is always going to spin the fastest whereas the others will be slightly slower until the attention is put on them. 

So it is with life.   I don’t believe we can ever achieve perfect balance in life. Not as long as you want to grow, lead, and inspire and create a massive impact on the lives of your family and community.   It is a major challenge for me to create incredible success in all areas of my life at the same time.  At times, I find myself putting more focus on my health and fitness, other times on my business, and others on my social circle.  I have not mastered the art of the spinning plates yet.  One plate at a time, step by step, continually looking to add another plate to the mix while keeping them all spinning, I will get there.  Hopefully I will have it mastered before all the plates coming crashing down.  But you know what? Even if the worst case scenario happens and I drop some of my plates, there will be another set to try with again.  The only way to get there is to throw the plates up and give it my best shot.  If you need me, you can find me in the plate aisle at the store.  

Love,

Matt

Real Life Superhero

Today is the day we celebrate our childhood hero.  Some children grow up idolizing fictitious characters like Superman, Batman, and Spiderman.  These characters were larger than life and represented the idea of power and influence and imagination. The problem is these fictitious superheroes had powers that were unattainable.  We were not going to fly, leap buildings in a single bound, shoot webs out of our hands, and most of us don’t come from families of billionaires! LOL

Brother, Dad, Me (Left to Right)

Many of us, however, were fortunate enough to have a real life superhero; a superhero that we got to spend time with everyday; a superhero that appeared larger than life; a superhero that was a real life role model; a superhero who showered us with unconditional love; a superhero who made us feel that we were the most important people on the planet; a superhero that made us believe anything was possible.  That superhero for me was my dad.

I even remember a story when I was a little kid when I was sitting in the passenger seat of my mom’s car and I asked my dad to race the car. I couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old and I believed the only way to tell how fast my dad could run was to measure it with the speed of a car.  He was a superhero to me because no matter what was going on in his life, my brother and I always were a top priority.  He always made time to coach all of my baseball teams and I can’t remember him ever missing one of my high school baseball games, even if that meant skipping dinner after a 12-hour workday.  He never let me go without the things I needed but also taught me how to appreciate everything I have in life.  Still to this day, he continues to amaze me with his physical feats such as playing baseball with guys 1/3 his age! It literally defies the natural law of what the human body should be able to do, yet my dad is doing it!

There are very few things that are as special as the love between a father and son.  As I get older, I appreciate that love more and more.  At this very moment, the thought of what my dad has done for me and the love he has demonstrated throughout my life brings tears to my eyes.  For all these reasons and many more, my dad is my superhero.

Love,

Matt

Love them anyways...

Lunch on a beautiful lake in Thailand on our way back from my best friend Eric's wedding

People are going to be a pain in the ass – love them anyways. People are going to try and push you away – love them anyways.  People are going to try and test you to see how much you care – love them anyways.  People are going to complain and lash out – love them anyways.  People are going to be rude – love them anyways.  People are going to judge you – love them anyways.  People are going to give you reasons to retreat, run, and disappear – love them anyways.

When I say “Love them anyways,” I am NOT referring to being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. I am actually referring to the EXACT opposite.  When we act with love, we are actually acting rationally and in line with our highest values.  It is a true sign of confidence, high self-esteem, and commitment to ourselves and others.  Acting with love says “You have no power over me. I am in control of my state and my confidence in who I am as a person is unshakable.” When we are reactionary, we give our control over our life and emotions to the other party.  Most often when people act out in any of the scenarios I mentioned above, it has very little to do with you and more to do with the other party’s personal stuff.  Many times when people lash out, complain, criticize, and sabotage it is a cry for help.  It is a sign of insecurity and/or fear. People complain, lash out, criticize, and sabotage when they are afraid and their needs are not being met but are unable to articulate them in a constructive manner.  At this point to act in a “Love them anyways” manner, you have two choices – to stay and dig deep to find out exactly what needs are not being met that are causing them to act in the manner they are acting or to make a conscious decision to separate yourself from the person or the situation because the relationship is detrimental to be in any longer.   From my experience, many times we resort to the second option out of fear or insecurity where it would be much more powerful to choose the first option. 

It is really easy to react emotionally when people are “attacking” you with complaints and judgments, but it takes a really strong person with great personal power to look at the person and their actions as a call for help and with love, sincerity and authenticity search for a way to use this situation to create a deeper bond and connection with the individual.  I have had patients in the office complain about everything from how long they have to wait to the results are not good enough or fast enough.  It would be very easy to take it personally and react in a not so constructive manner (which I admit I have done before). What they are really doing is making a call for help. They are saying “Please help me.” When I look at that as a call for help or a call for more of my presence, I acknowledge it and give it to them.  I find that this disarms them immediately and provides a space for a true connection to be made.  In my personal relationships I have been criticized or complained to about how I was behaving or acting  - as hard as that is to believe! LOL… Kidding. If I let my insecurity take over, I react emotionally and attack back and justify myself.  When I act with love, I acknowledge that they are just looking for more of my presence, my love, and my connection and I give it to them.  Rather than run due to fear, I dig in deeper and it strengthens our bond and commitment that would not have been possible any other way.

Life is full of opportunities to create magic moments with people.  People are crying and desperate for more love and more connection. They will complain, criticize, pull away, and lash out – love them anyways.

Love,

Matt