Alone in Thailand

One of my mentors once told me, “Do something everyday that scares you.” While I try to make that axiom an everyday part of my life, it really rang true for me this weekend.  I am going to start at the end and then we can backtrack from there.  I have spent 2 beautiful days in majestic Northern Thailand trekking up to ancient temples, being blessed by monks, meditating in temples from the 1400s, hiking to waterfalls, and feeding, interacting, and even hugging the amazing Asian elephant in a beautiful sanctuary whose mission is rescuing damaged and abused elephants.  I have explored the city of Chiang Mai, ate some delicious local food, woke up every morning to birds chirping and a delicious cup of coffee, and staying in a cozy boutique hotel with the friendliest staff I have ever met.  As I sit here now at breakfast finishing my coffee and starting on a home brewed ginger tea, I am preparing to spend my day taking a Thai cooking class with a local family on their organic farm.  I am sure by now you are asking yourself, “I though he was going to talk about fears and stuff that is scary.  All that stuff sounds amazing!” And you would be right.  All of this has been amazing, however, I almost never took this trip.  You see, I am on this trip by myself.  Alone.  Just myself, my computer, and my thoughts.  And it was not due to lack of effort.  I tried to find someone to travel with, but for one reason or another, it all came down to a choice – take this trip by myself or not at all. 

I struggled with the choice for a while. I have been on some amazing holidays to all different places around the world – from backpacking Europe to five star chalets on the ocean in Borneo to religious trips to Israel to hotels on a cliff in Bali.  However, I have always been on these holidays with someone; someone to share these experiences with, to talk with, to explore with, and to reflect with.  Now I was confronted with a choice that scared me.  I was not scared about the safety from traveling alone; at least not in the physical sense of the word.  I was more scared of all the time I was going to be spending by myself, in silence and personal reflection.  Would I really enjoy my own company? Would feelings or emotions come up that were uncomfortable and unsettling? Would I realize I don’t enjoy my own company as much as I would like to think I would?  There would be no theorizing about how much fun or how enjoyable my company is.  I was going to have to experience the reality of it first hand, and it was a little bit scary.  The first day was a bit rough.  I had a somewhat unsettling feeling throughout the day, but instead of resisting it, I just accepted it.  I accepted it as an agent of change and the feeling of doing something new.  Once, I accepted it the feeling eased a bit.  I meditated in 2 different temples and the thing that really hit home for me were all of the statues of Buddha.  I studied the statues in both of the temples and every statue of Buddha had the same facial expressions – pure joy, bliss, presence, and peace.  I could genuinely feel and see the sense of nirvana on each of the Buddha’s faces.  It was the type of joy and peace that could be experienced through pain or pleasure.  It was the joy that comes with living and appreciating life for all that it has to offer.  While not easy, it is a lesson I have tried to carry with me throughout this short getaway.  I have a feeling it is a lesson I am going to practicing for the rest of my life.

We all have feelings that scare us.  We all have experiences in life that scare us.  We all have things that push us back into our cocoon of the known and away from the freedom of the unknown.  New experiences whether it is relationships, traveling, or just sitting quietly in meditation and being aware of the thoughts in our head, it all can be quite scary.  Unfortunately, the only place we find growth; the only place we find freedom; the only place we truly find a life worth living is in doing things that scare us.  The only way to manifest the greatest versions of our self is to continuously grow and contribute.  This weekend was certainly a weekend of growth for me, and hopefully through this writing, I have been able to contribute to your life in some small way.

Love,

Matt

PS This was one of my favorite moments of the trip.  A beautiful, gentle elephant named Maebualoy who was rescued from the streets of Bangkok after years of working as a street beggar and finally getting hit by a car.  He was the only one sweet enough to feed directly in his mouth and I got the opportunity to bath him down at the river.