Are your standards destroying your life?

Sunset at Uluwatu, Bali

Your life will be in direct proportion to the standards you set for yourself.  If you set low standards, you get little to no rewards. You set high standards, you manifest incredible rewards.  If it is as simple as that, why would anyone set low standards for themselves? The answer is easy. They have associated more pain and fear around the risk of what higher standards would mean to them than the pain they currently have living a mediocre life. Your life will only change when you create more pain with your current circumstances than you do with the risk of changing. Changing has to be a must. You have to get to the point where it has become impossible for you to live your live any other way than with ridiculously high standards. 

In our office, I talk to people all the time who are unhappy about their health.  They are overweight, unhappy, and tired all of the time.  When I give them simple solutions they can do for 10-15 minutes ever day to add much more energy and vitality to their life and really increase their health, the most common answer I get is, “I don’t have time.” I say, “You don’t have 15 minutes per day to change your life?” Now, what is the real issue here? It has NOTHING to do with time. We always find time for the things that are most important to us.  Do you ever not have time to get dressed, take a shower, brush your teeth, or eat on a daily basis? Absolutely not! We will do whatever it takes to get our teeth brushed, shower, get dressed, and eat. We will wake up earlier or go to bed later. We will cut out things like television or Facebook. We will do whatever it takes. The key here is value and making things a “must.”  You don’t leave the house naked no matter how little time you have because you have made it a must to leave the house dressed.  You associate more pain with walking around naked than waking up earlier to get ready. 

What have you not made a “must” in your life that you need to? Now is the time to stop making excuses and be honest with yourself.  Is your life where you want it to be? Are you as fit, as sexy, as intelligent, as spiritually connected, as socially connected, and as successful as you would like to be? If not, where are you sitting on the comforts of the status quo and where do you need to turn some more “shoulds” into “musts?”

Love,

Matt

Do you have courage?

Yoga at The Farm in the Philippines

I find it very interesting that when you commit your life to growing, opportunities for growth occur on a daily basis whether you are looking for it or not.  Today was no exception. 

It all started last weekend when I went back to a yoga class I have not been to for a while.  It has always been one of my favorite studios but I just lost touch for a while.  I decided to go back last Sunday and it turned out to be a beautiful practice.  At the end of the class, it was announced the following week we would be focusing on arm balances – my specialty.  Ask me to touch my toes, and you’ll see a struggle as if my life depended on it, but ask me to hold handstands and other arm balancing exercises and that is where I shine.  I was looking forward to it all week.  As I arrived at class today ready to showcase my talents, my expectations were not even close to being met.  Not only did we not do arm balances, but the focus was switched to my 2 worst exercises: forward bends and hip openers.  I found myself annoyed and frustrated.  I found myself questioning why I even attended the class.  I found myself judging the class as a waste of time because it was not what I was expecting.  Then the theme of the class was shared and I quickly realized it was EXACTLY what I needed.

The theme of the class was courage.  Not the loud roaring courage but the silent courage that comes from a place of self-love and self-respect that says I am going to stay in a space that may not feel good or feel comfortable because it is exactly where I need to be.  It is a space that allows for love to flow even in trying or challenging times and says that tomorrow is a new day.  It is a courage that only happens when you soften your heart and your spirit and allow life to flow. 

As I struggled to touch my toes all class and found my mind racing, I realized the things we struggle with must be faced in order for us to grow.  We will only grow so much if we only focus on our strengths.  In order to really transform, we must face the places that scare us, that embarrass us, and that challenge us.  We must face the places that make us feel unsettled, insecure, and inferior.  Only then can we demonstrate true courage and only then can we truly experience life in all its beauty and magnitude.

Love,

Matt

Surrender Yourself to Success

Indian Ocean in Bali

When you surrender to what is

and so become fully present,

the past ceases to have any power.

The realm of Being, which had been obscured by

the mind, then opens up.

Suddenly, a great stillness arises within you,

an unfathomable sense of peace.

And within that peace, there is great joy.

And within that joy, there is love.

And at the innermost core, there is the sacred,

the immeasurable, That which cannot be named.

-       Practicing the Power of Now

I came across this passage sitting on the beach in Bali of a 5 star resort experiencing the beautiful sun and sea of the Indian Ocean while drinking a freshly made lemongrass and ginger iced tea.  This was at the end of the trip so I was really getting over the discomfort of the idleness and embracing the presence of the beauty that surrounded me.  Reading the quote has a much different meaning in that atmosphere than in an atmosphere of long work hours, staff, a “to do” list, responsibilities, people counting on you, relationships, bills, and obligations and commitments.  It is easy to surrender to “what is” when the “what is” is exactly what you want.  It is much more challenging to surrender to the “what is” when the “what is” is the very thing that brings you discomfort in the first place.  What have you been resisting? What places challenge you and bring you to places you have been avoiding? What fears are controlling you that you have been putting off facing for a long time? Whatever fear you have owns you. Whatever you fight owns you.

I can totally relate to the idea that peace, joy, and love is only found in the present. Whenever I find myself out of peace, joy, and love, it is always because I am living in the past or the future.  I am creating a disempowering story of my past or I am living in fear of the future.  When I get myself back to the only thing that is real, the present moment, my past and future cease to have any power over me.  It takes constant conscious awareness on my part to do this. I always find myself drifting to the past and the future.  I must make constant reminders to get back to the present.  What used to take months then took weeks.  What used to take weeks then took hours.  What used to take hours then took minutes.  What used to take minutes then took seconds.  What used to take seconds then took a moment.  What used to take moments became so indistinguishable that my choices and my reactions became one and the same to where I am always acting in accordance to an individual that lives every moment in the present with peace, joy, and love.  Or at least this is what I am working towards.

What are you working towards?

Love,

Matt

The Bali Experience

Singing on the beach in Nusa Dua and "enjoying the moment"

I find that the two things I do best on a plane are reading and sleeping, and usually the former leads to the latter.  I figured before I fell asleep, I should pull out my iPad and reflect on a great weekend in Bali, “The Island of Gods.”

I have been to Bali four times and I always stay in a new area.  I love to explore and experience new things so when a friend of mine from high school who I have not seen in 15 years invited me to visit her on her Bali trip, I just couldn’t turn down the offer.  As much as I love and look forward to holidays, they prove to be a challenge for me in that I have a hard time shutting my brain off and recharging.  Usually there is some uneasiness the first day as I acclimate myself to doing nothing.  This trip was no different. This uneasiness used to last for the entire trip whereas now, it fades off rather quickly.  In the past, whenever I felt the uneasiness that inevitably surfaces when in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation, I would fight and resist it.  I would judge myself for feeling a certain way and I would try to resist it adamantly and fervently.  All this did was intensify the feelings of uneasiness and it would continue.  A powerful distinction I have realized is that which we resist, persists.  Anything that we resist in our life continues, especially emotions, and the very act of resisting is what adds fuel to the emotion.  It is perfectly logical to conclude that we should resist an emotion that we do not like in the hopes it will change, but in actuality, the only way to dissolve an emotion is to fully accept it presence in our life and NOT try to change it.  Emotions can’t exist in full presence and acceptance of things exactly as they are without feeling the need to change it.  As I practiced this, the uneasiness dissolved and I had a fantastic weekend of relaxing, eating, beach, yoga, and exercising.  I did very little of any measurable value like reading or writing or business (other than this of course which I am writing on the plane back to Singapore so it doesn’t count! LOL).  What I did do, however, was connect with an old friend and enjoy each moment.  I enjoyed the beach and sun.  I enjoyed great food and fantastic company.  I met and enjoyed the presence of other guests from all around the world.  I had deep conversations about life which reinforced my purpose which is being of outrageous service to others in helping them to transform their life and realize their full potential for being alive, happy, and fulfilled.  The value of these experiences are beyond measure.

When we welcome change and discomfort into our lives, we see it coming from a friendly place that provides us with the circumstances to evolve and grow.  When we see every experience as good because it creates the space to grow and learn, life becomes a fun adventure.  And fun adventures make life worth living.

Love,

Matt

Good luck finding balance in life...

Favorite climbing gym in Singapore... Lots of balance needed here!

One of the greatest challenges I face in life is that of balance.  It is this state of being that appears to be quite elusive for me.  When I feel like I am getting closer, it is not so much that my life is in perfect balance.  It is more as if my life is standing still.  When things become balanced, one of our major human needs is put in serious jeopardy – growth.  It is actually a very interesting paradox.  We spend our lives in pursuit to achieve balance, yet if we were to ever really achieve balance, we lose the major need of growth in our lives. Many times our focus is on the attainment of balance rather than the pursuit of greatness.  Which do you feel is a more worthy goal – achievement of comfort and balance or the pursuit of excellence in all areas of our life?  It is not too much of a challenge to be great at one thing, but how about making it your life purpose to be great at ALL things that matter – being a great mother, father, lover, friend, influencer, financial steward, philanthropist, and health and wellness enthusiast? 

I find life to be a lot like spinning plates.  Do you remember seeing the person at the circus or on television who starts with one plate on a stick and starts to spin it?  Then once he gets that one plate spinning, he adds another and another and another? This continues until he has a dozen or more plates all spinning and he bounces from one to another to maintain its spinning.  If he focuses on one too long, the others start to wobble and will fall if neglected for too long.  If he focuses on the big picture and the mission of keeping all the plates spinning, he bounces back and forth from plate to plate to maintain the momentum.  No plate spins at maximal speed, yet the goal is for all of the plates to spin smoothly and efficiently to create balance.  The reality is that some of the plates will struggle at times to maintain momentum. Some will wobble and "call out" for help.  Others will seem to spin a bit more effortlessly and require less attention. It is a constant juggling act. The one that gets the immediate attention is always going to spin the fastest whereas the others will be slightly slower until the attention is put on them. 

So it is with life.   I don’t believe we can ever achieve perfect balance in life. Not as long as you want to grow, lead, and inspire and create a massive impact on the lives of your family and community.   It is a major challenge for me to create incredible success in all areas of my life at the same time.  At times, I find myself putting more focus on my health and fitness, other times on my business, and others on my social circle.  I have not mastered the art of the spinning plates yet.  One plate at a time, step by step, continually looking to add another plate to the mix while keeping them all spinning, I will get there.  Hopefully I will have it mastered before all the plates coming crashing down.  But you know what? Even if the worst case scenario happens and I drop some of my plates, there will be another set to try with again.  The only way to get there is to throw the plates up and give it my best shot.  If you need me, you can find me in the plate aisle at the store.  

Love,

Matt

Real Life Superhero

Today is the day we celebrate our childhood hero.  Some children grow up idolizing fictitious characters like Superman, Batman, and Spiderman.  These characters were larger than life and represented the idea of power and influence and imagination. The problem is these fictitious superheroes had powers that were unattainable.  We were not going to fly, leap buildings in a single bound, shoot webs out of our hands, and most of us don’t come from families of billionaires! LOL

Brother, Dad, Me (Left to Right)

Many of us, however, were fortunate enough to have a real life superhero; a superhero that we got to spend time with everyday; a superhero that appeared larger than life; a superhero that was a real life role model; a superhero who showered us with unconditional love; a superhero who made us feel that we were the most important people on the planet; a superhero that made us believe anything was possible.  That superhero for me was my dad.

I even remember a story when I was a little kid when I was sitting in the passenger seat of my mom’s car and I asked my dad to race the car. I couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old and I believed the only way to tell how fast my dad could run was to measure it with the speed of a car.  He was a superhero to me because no matter what was going on in his life, my brother and I always were a top priority.  He always made time to coach all of my baseball teams and I can’t remember him ever missing one of my high school baseball games, even if that meant skipping dinner after a 12-hour workday.  He never let me go without the things I needed but also taught me how to appreciate everything I have in life.  Still to this day, he continues to amaze me with his physical feats such as playing baseball with guys 1/3 his age! It literally defies the natural law of what the human body should be able to do, yet my dad is doing it!

There are very few things that are as special as the love between a father and son.  As I get older, I appreciate that love more and more.  At this very moment, the thought of what my dad has done for me and the love he has demonstrated throughout my life brings tears to my eyes.  For all these reasons and many more, my dad is my superhero.

Love,

Matt

Love them anyways...

Lunch on a beautiful lake in Thailand on our way back from my best friend Eric's wedding

People are going to be a pain in the ass – love them anyways. People are going to try and push you away – love them anyways.  People are going to try and test you to see how much you care – love them anyways.  People are going to complain and lash out – love them anyways.  People are going to be rude – love them anyways.  People are going to judge you – love them anyways.  People are going to give you reasons to retreat, run, and disappear – love them anyways.

When I say “Love them anyways,” I am NOT referring to being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. I am actually referring to the EXACT opposite.  When we act with love, we are actually acting rationally and in line with our highest values.  It is a true sign of confidence, high self-esteem, and commitment to ourselves and others.  Acting with love says “You have no power over me. I am in control of my state and my confidence in who I am as a person is unshakable.” When we are reactionary, we give our control over our life and emotions to the other party.  Most often when people act out in any of the scenarios I mentioned above, it has very little to do with you and more to do with the other party’s personal stuff.  Many times when people lash out, complain, criticize, and sabotage it is a cry for help.  It is a sign of insecurity and/or fear. People complain, lash out, criticize, and sabotage when they are afraid and their needs are not being met but are unable to articulate them in a constructive manner.  At this point to act in a “Love them anyways” manner, you have two choices – to stay and dig deep to find out exactly what needs are not being met that are causing them to act in the manner they are acting or to make a conscious decision to separate yourself from the person or the situation because the relationship is detrimental to be in any longer.   From my experience, many times we resort to the second option out of fear or insecurity where it would be much more powerful to choose the first option. 

It is really easy to react emotionally when people are “attacking” you with complaints and judgments, but it takes a really strong person with great personal power to look at the person and their actions as a call for help and with love, sincerity and authenticity search for a way to use this situation to create a deeper bond and connection with the individual.  I have had patients in the office complain about everything from how long they have to wait to the results are not good enough or fast enough.  It would be very easy to take it personally and react in a not so constructive manner (which I admit I have done before). What they are really doing is making a call for help. They are saying “Please help me.” When I look at that as a call for help or a call for more of my presence, I acknowledge it and give it to them.  I find that this disarms them immediately and provides a space for a true connection to be made.  In my personal relationships I have been criticized or complained to about how I was behaving or acting  - as hard as that is to believe! LOL… Kidding. If I let my insecurity take over, I react emotionally and attack back and justify myself.  When I act with love, I acknowledge that they are just looking for more of my presence, my love, and my connection and I give it to them.  Rather than run due to fear, I dig in deeper and it strengthens our bond and commitment that would not have been possible any other way.

Life is full of opportunities to create magic moments with people.  People are crying and desperate for more love and more connection. They will complain, criticize, pull away, and lash out – love them anyways.

Love,

Matt