At some point in all of our lives, we are going to have to answer this formidable question. Who are you living for? Are you living for your mother, your father, your friends, or yourself? Are you judging what you do as good or bad based on what your parents or peers think of you or are you being true to yourself? In order to live a life that is true to your deepest values, you first must determine what your deepest values are in the first place. As a society, we are living very confused lives. We have no idea what we want. We think we know what we want, yet that elusive sense of pure joy and fulfillment persistently seems to elude us. We derive feelings of happiness when things go great and compliments abound us, and we question ourselves when feedback from the outside is less than optimal or even worse, down right negative. We feel great when people tell us how wonderful and attractive we are, and we tend to respond in one of two ways when people challenge or attack our character or we are as individuals. We usually either respond with anger or resentment or we write them and their feedback off all together. Neither is beneficial for our spiritual, physical, and emotional evolution.
I have been on a major quest for these last 6 years. I have been on a quest to determine my deepest core values and live a life congruently with those values every single day. My quest has involved absolving any feelings of doubt, insecurity, and unworthiness based on what other people think of me. It is none of my business what people think of me anyway. This quest has seen its fair share of ups and downs, but among that has been a tremendous amount of growth. I remember a time when I took everything that people thought of me personally. I would look for approval at every turn. I would gain my sense of self-esteem based on certain outcomes and what people thought about me. It's a tough trap we fall into because one of our basic human needs is the desire for love and connection, but love and connection does not come from dependency. Love and connection comes from being a person who radiates love and connection from within. We find in ourselves that which we too often seek from the outside. We must become so in love and connected with ourselves that our self esteem is impenetrable from the outside. Our outside world will always be a reflection of our inside world. If we find ourselves being influenced by the thoughts, words, and deeds from those around us, we must look within to strengthen our conviction in our values and who we live our lives for. Are you living your life for your spouse, your friend, or your family or do you live your life for yourself? I know living your life for yourself sounds like a very negative and selfish way to live, however, if you truly want to experience joy and fulfillment, it is the only way to live. You can't possibly give away what you don't already possess. If you don't possess love in your heart, you can't possibly offer it to someone else. If you don't possess gratitude for who you are as an individual, you will have nothing to share. You see, I live my life very differently than most people and for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. The problem was I was asking myself all the wrong questions. You'll find the quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask. I was asking myself, why can't I be like everyone else around me? What could I have done differently for the other person to accept me or love me? These are not the questions we need to be asking ourselves. These questions are unstable and detrimental. At best, positive answers provide a temporary crutch to ignore the work that we really need to do in our lives. At worst, these answers provide a rickety foundation that is sure to crumble down around us at some point. We need to be asking must different questions. We need to be asking questions like, am I living congruently with my deepest values and do I even know what my values are? Is what I am saying or doing in line with the highest vision of my character and moral standard? Are my intentions pure and unsullied? The only way to life long lasting fulfillment is to first become on the inside what we seek on the outside. We must become a fortress of love and gratitude. We must train ourselves to listen to our voice from within and filter all of the noise from the outside. We must only use feedback from the outside as a tool to refine and grow our values and convictions from within. They must never be used to define us.
How can you tell when you are on the right path? The answer is very simple. When the noise on the inside becomes so loud, you can't possibly hear the noise on the outside. When you become emotionally immune to the positive or negative feedback from others. When you begin to become grateful for all that is placed on your path, because it the only way for you to chart and refine your course. When you derive an intense sense of peace and serenity from what was once chaos and confusion. When you begin to see the order in what was once the disorder. When you see the love and the lesson in what once brought about a pity party. When you begin to find joy in the silence of a smile, and when you begin to listen to the tune of the sound of your heart, you know you're on the right path.
I'll see you there.
Love,
Matt
I'll see you there.
Love,
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