Reflections from 2012

As the year is coming to an end, I wanted to share with you my 25 best reflections and lessons learned from 2012. Here it goes:

 1. Give everything you have.  Then give more.  The fruit does not come from the end.  It comes from pushing through the end into the area of the unknown.

2. Forgive yourself and others.  Set down your bag of rocks and move forward.

3. People want your attention.  Give it to them.

4. Never give up on your dreams. 

5. Tell your loved ones you love them. Tell them a lot. Tell them often. And always with love.

6. Be grateful... For everything.

7. Look for opportunities to grow, even if it scares you... Especially if it scares you.

8. Tell the truth but speak with love.

9. Don't just look to be ordinary. Be unique. Be extraordinary.

10. Be humble. The truly confident and loving people shine with their sincerity, vulnerability, passion, and compassion, not the volume of their words and actions.

11. Meditate everyday and listen to your inner voice. You may not always like what it has to say, but sometimes that what holds the most valuable lessons. 

12. Read nonfiction. People spent thousands of hours mastering and boiling down a lifetime of
lessons into a couple hundred pages. Learn from them. 

13. Demonstrate discipline. Discipline in thoughts, words, and actions. Don't be a victim to your vices. Live consciously and choose wisely. 

14. Smile. You'll be happier and make others happier in the process. 

15. Become of service to others.  In a society built around technology,  people need your time, energy, and attention now more than ever. 

16. Show compassion for people.  Even the most hardened people need your compassion.  They are usually the ones who need it the most. 

17. Wear your heart on your sleeve. There is tremendous strength in vulnerability. 

18. Listen more than you speak. You don't know what you don't know and what you don't know usually turns out to be more powerful than what you already know. 

19. Build the people up around you. They will carry you further than you can take yourself alone. 

20. Dream big dreams and then get to work on making those dreams a reality. 

21. Surround yourself with people who are better than you. 

22. Write often. Even if nobody else gets to read it. 

23. You'll never regret kind words spoken to another person. 

24. Have patience. With yourself and others. 

25. Ask for help. It's builds stronger connections and opportunities to learn and grow.  

I hope you take these lessons, apply them to your life, and make 2013 the best year yet. 

Love,
Matt

Goal Setting 2013

It's really funny how life works sometimes.  Here's the story. I had a plan to work on my goals for 2013 and wanted someone to hold me accountable so I did something that I always wanted to do.  After a full morning in the office on Saturday, I flew from cozy Singapore to the chaotic city of Jakarta for one night to meet one of my best friends in order to set our goals, and ultimately, our life up for success in the coming year and beyond.  We rented a room in a 5 star hotel and intended to spend a few hours Saturday night and then Sunday morning designing the life we would love to live.  Then I would fly home Sunday evening.  Everything work out exactly as planned.  Actually it worked out better than planned.... Until it didn't. In a city known for its intense traffic jams that regularly last for hours upon hours, it was as if the the roads opened up just for me.  I hit virtually no traffic coming from the airport upon my arrive into the city as well as no traffic leaving to go back to the airport the following day.  I arrived and we had a spectacular dinner followed by a few very productive hours of goal setting.  Everything worked out so well, I even forgot my charger but the business center had an extra one I could borrow for free.  To top that off, I ran into one of the members of Guns and Roses in the elevator who I chatted with because he was in town to perform a concert and happened to be staying at the same hotel.  Very cool.  Then Sunday morning came and we had a great goal setting session followed by a breakfast made for kings followed by more goal setting. Soon after I made my way back to the airport without a hitch.  I leisurely walked around the airport and got on the plane with plenty of time to spare.  Everything was even going so well, the flight was designed to leave early.  Perfect. Now, remember I said everything worked out better than planned... Until it didn't? Here's where it didn't.  As I sit down on the plane and settle into my seat for a short flight back to Singapore, excited to arrive relatively early to settle in for an early night and prepare for a big day in the office tomorrow, we get an announcement.  There is something wrong with the air traffic control center, and we may be delayed for 20-30 minutes.  I am no flight expert but  it didn't sound like a 20-30 minute problem to me.  Well 30 minutes later, they get on the loud speaker and make another announcement, "The problem is worse than expected and there is no end in sight for the resolution.  Please be patient." This was a real test for me.  Actually it was more of an opportunity.  In my past, patience and looking for the positives in challenging situations was not one of my virtues.  I would have been annoyed and pissed off and would have just sat frustrated and negating the benefit of my entire weekend over in Jakarta.  I would have told myself I am never doing this again because something always goes wrong.  Except... What if I told myself a different story this time? What if instead of living in self pity that my fight was delayed and we could be sitting here for hours upon hours, I told myself a different story? How about instead of looking at myself jammed in a tiny window seat like a sardine with nothing to do, I told myself that I had my own private workstation free from cell phone interruptions and Internet distractions? How about instead of looking at this as a punishment, I looked at it as a gift to review my goals, read, and write? Well, that's exactly what I did! I literally started writing this blog during the delay with a smile on my face and not an ounce of frustration.  I was excited to have focused time, free from distraction to write and read.  I started this blog with the uncertainty of when we would take off and I was enjoying the solitude of being connected with my iPad notepad and my thoughts.  An hour and a half into the delay and halfway into the blog, they came on the loud speaker and made an announcement that we were clear for take off and we needed to turn off all our electronic devices.  Funny thing happened.  I was actually a bit disappointed I was being interrupted during my writing for take off!  Now I am 30,000 feet in the air, finishing my blog and sharing this experience with you.  And do you know what it all came down to? Perspective and presence.  My number one goal from this weekend is to live in the NOW; to bring an intentional presence to every moment in my life; to look for the gifts and opportunities in every situation.  This proved not to be a punishment, but instead provided me with 2 gifts - to practice my number one goal for the new year and share my experience with you in hopes that in some small way, this touches your life and inspires you to look for the gifts in every challenge and the opportunities in every set back.  Now get moving and set your goals for 2013.  

Who inspires you?

There are certain people in history that have always been a huge inspiration for me. There are certain individuals that I will never get a chance to meet in person, yet through their words and actions, will leave an indelible impact on my life. These individuals sit on my "intellectual board of trustees." These people give me strength when I think I have none. They inspire me in times of hardship and give me the strength to persevere in times of struggle. They open my heart to vulnerability and allow me to break down the walls of ego and judgment. They open my heart to love and teach me that we cannot love and judge at the same time. These individuals have been confronted with such significant criticism, judgment and hardship, yet continued to live with love in their heart. If you look any of these individual lives, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Viktor Frankl, they faced extreme adversity yet stayed resolute in their values and convictions. Gandhi lived his whole life for service to equality of human rights and overall humanity through non-violent resistance. His life was about overcoming his own internal struggles and insecurities. Then you have Nelson Mandela who was jailed for 27 years in his struggle to create an end to apartheid. And lastly, there is Viktor Frankl who had to endure some of the harshest conditions known to mankind in the hell that were the Nazi concentration camps. He experienced the slaughter of his entire family and many of his friends, and not only survived, but used it as an opportunity to develop a philosophy and meaning of life surrounding the questions he asked about what made some of the prisoners die and others live who were going through the same experience. It inspired him to write a book called "Man's Search for Meaning," which I highly recommend reading. It was on his quest for answers that lead him to the conclusion that life is about meaning and when there is no meaning, there is no life. And who creates the meaning? You and me. There is no meaning in life except for the meaning that we place on it. He found that even in the most heinous and unconscionable situations, meaning can be created and value can be instilled - "Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.... For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment." It is not our experience in life that defines us. It is how we respond to our life's experiences that defines us. It is the value we create, not the value that is inherent, that creates meaning in our lives. We are co-creators. We may not always be able to create the situations of our lives, but we can always choose how we handle the situations we are confronted with. This goes for pleasurable as well as not so pleasurable experiences. I have found there to be 3 universal ways of "being" that allow me the opportunity to create meaning in every situation: vulnerability or authenticity, gratitude, and love. The power of vulnerability or authenticity is you are being 100% true to yourself and who you are. You are wearing your skin and emotions inside-out, on display for the world to see you in your purest form. There is tremendous strength in vulnerability. The strength is in the exposure of our weaknesses, because it is this very connection and openness of our weaknesses that destroys our ego and opens our heart for gratitude. Gratitude can only be given or received in its truest form when you are in a place of complete vulnerability where you are accepting and appreciating of what is exactly as it is. It is this connection with the infinite that opens our heart for love, and allows us to express our divine light and shine the way G-d intended. Marianne Williamson says it best, "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”