Winning the Game of Life

I just started on a new book this afternoon, and although it is still too early to comment on the book in its entirety, I have found a simple yet profound quote that has already made the book worth its investment many times over.  The book is called Tell to Win and the quote is by adventure guru and founder of Sobek Expeditions, Richard Bangs.  He said, "I wanted them to understand I wasn't in the people transportation business, I was in the human transformation business."  Wow.  No wonder he built such an amazing and success company.  His adventure travel business was in the business of moving people, just not in the way we would traditionally define it.  He was in the business of moving people emotionally and physically in order to create transformation in people's lives.  What is the mission and purpose of your business? Or better yet, what is the purpose and mission of your life? Are you in the business of "just getting through life" or are you in the business of "transforming your life and the lives of everyone around you?"  The life transformation business is not for everyone.  It is not for the weak at heart.  It is not for people who are skittish about ruffling a few feathers, especially their own.  It isn't for everyone, however, it is available to anyone who wants it bad enough.  As I sit here and reflect of what my life's purpose is all about, I work on getting to the core to find out what moves me.  What gets my heart beating with excitement and what creates a wave of energy the reverberates through every cell in my body? It is the idea of transformation.  My old purpose was the constant pursuit of life mastery while creating an indelible impact on the lives around me.  That purpose served me for a while but it doesn't move me the way it once did.  My true purpose is to continually create transformational experiences in my life as well as have an indelible impact on the people around me by helping to create transformational experiences for them.  I realize now i am in the transformation business, for myself and for others.  Now this isn't about changing.  Changing sucks.  Change can be slow and painful and only result in minor alterations in your being.  Transformation on the other hand results in a complete evolution in your state of being.  It results in a fundamental shift in who you are at your core.  Many people have transformational experiences after major emotional events such as heart attacks and other near death experiences.  Many people allow life to happen to them rather than create the life they would love to live.  Many people live within the shackles of mediocrity instead of excelling at everything they do. I believe the life of your dreams comes from living your life by 3 major principles.  Number one, be present to your purpose.  Every thing you do should serve your purpose. Find the meaning in everything you do and you will find fulfillment at every corner.  Number 2, create compelling stories for your life.  Our life is one big story.  Our lives are defined by our story.  You are the author of your life, and your story has yet to be written.  The pen is in your hand and you can write anything you want.  You don't like what happened in your life? Create a whole new empowering story for what happened.  We can't always control what happens, but the pen allows us to create any meaning we want for what happened.  There is amazing power in the pen you hold in your hand.  Make every word count.  Make every word powerful and transformational. Number three, be open and allow wonderful things to pour into your life.  Live with a sense of deservedness.  We are all children of G-d.  Who are we not to expect wonderful and amazing and spectacular things to happen to us, for us, and for the people we love? You hold the pen and paper of your life in your hands.  What is your story going to be? 

This one thing can change your life...

Humans fascinate me.  But more specifically human behavior fascinates me.  It is that fascination that has lead me on a life long journey of deep internal reflection, dialogue, and transformation.  I figure if I can gain a deeper and more profound understand of my own thoughts, words, and behaviors, I can not only create the life of my dreams but I can become more effective and influential in helping others create the life of their dreams.  It is on this journey I have found one of the greatest gifts.  It has also been one of the greatest challenges I have had to face, but doesn't it work out that our greatest challenges usually are the very things that become our greatest gifts? It's not easy to always see and appreciate it at the time however.  This gift I speak of is vulnerability.  I know your head may be spinning right now as mine did when I was first confronted with the concept of vulnerability.  Especially when vulnerability was described as a strength.  That was news to me!!  I grew up with notion that perfection was a sign of strength.  That I needed to protect and guard my image at all costs.  The greatest sign of strength was being the best - at everything.  So I was led down the path in pursuit of straight As, captain of the baseball team, work out phenom, leadership guru, intellectual genius, and the list goes on and on.  I thought if I could achieve all of these things, or more specifically, if I could at least get people to perceive me as a pillar of perfection in all of these areas, it would be a sign of strength and power and influence.  The challenge with that is I wasn't perfect and never will be.  No one is.  We all have fears, demons, skeletons in our closet, inadequacies, and insecurities.  We have fears of failure, fears of success, fears of never finding love, fears of not being good enough, and fears of not belonging.  Some may experience each of these to lesser or greater degrees depending on the individual, but we all have our internal and external challenges.  The more we can come to terms with our own mortality, the more we can be open about our fears and challenges, the more we can express and come to terms with what scares us, the more we can shed this coat of protection that blocks us from the transformations we crave deep in our souls to create the lives we were meant to live.  And the more we can shed these layers of protection we so carefully have built up over the years, the more we can release the light that resides inside each and every one of us.  This is possible for everyone of us, but it does not come without a price.  That price is hard word, deep internal reflection, and times of severe emotional discomfort.  It is a challenge and a calling very few people will undertake because of the enormity of the process but the rewards are there for the taking if you are willing to venture out from protection of your cocoon into the world of vulnerability.  Being vulnerable is about being truly honest with  yourself about your weaknesses and your strengths.  It is about creating a complete connection and transparency with your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.  It is about seeing yourself for what you are and not what you wished or hoped that you were. It is about shedding the facade and displaying your naked self to the world and as Brene Browne, PhD would say, "Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging."  Now go out there and be imperfect. Be vulnerable.  And let your true self shine because in the famous words of Howard Thurman, "Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive."

"Life is Difficult"

The thing I love about books is it gives me the rare opportunity to have challenging and deeply reflective philosophical conversations with some of the brightest minds that ever lived. The one I am currently reading is called "The Road Less Traveled." The first sentence of the first page is simple, yet profound. "Life is difficult." Wow. Not too encouraging at first glance. One may ask, what would compel you to read a book that began with a sentence of that magnitude? Why not just read a book called Life is Easy or 10 Easy Steps to Positive Thinking Your Way to a Wonderful Life? We all know there are plenty of those out there! I'll tell you why. I was compelled to read this book because there was something inside of me, at the core of my being, that tells me life is more than peaches and cream or butterflies and sunflowers. Something was telling me that there was an incongruency between what I innately knew to be true and some of the fluff I have read in other books. Don't get me wrong. I believe positive affirmations, goals, and positive thinking is very valuable and definitely has its place but it is only part of the big picture. The author talks about the second law of thermodynamics and it's application to psychology. The second law of thermodynamics talks about how over time organized states will tend toward disorder unless an outside force is applied. Human beings are no exception to that law. Human beings will tend toward the path of least resistance, mentally and physically, unless we make conscious choices to the contrary. Life takes work. It takes a commitment to constant and never ending improvement. It is a constant battle between succumbing to the laziness that is at our core and the drive toward excellence the dually sits at our core. Without conscious thought and work, laziness will prevail and our lives slowly fall to greater levels of disorder and chaos. However, contrarily, with daily, no, second to second and moment to moment observation of our thoughts and actions, we can slowly turn this massive undertaking into an achievable outcome of love, peace, and gratitude. Does it take work? An extraordinary amount of work and persistence. Is it worth it? It's a challenging and deeply personal question that only you can answer for yourself. After all, life is difficult.

When you are forced to say good-bye...

There is a uniqueness in a child's love for his grandparents. I had to say good-bye for the last time to an amazing woman last week - my grandmother. She was a woman who exemplified what it is to be a loving mother, wife, and grandmother. She always gave with an open heart and lived with a special zest for life I have seen very rarely in my life. She was funny and charismatic and possessed an amazing strength and determination. She was always a huge source of inspiration for me and a rock of support I could always count on. She was my biggest fan and loved without judgment. Her biggest desire was for me to be happy. What do you do when you are forced to say good-bye? What do you do when someone is taken from you at a time when need them the most? What do you do with the words that were left unsaid or certain actions were left undone? These are some of the questions I was left asking myself as I reflected on the passing of my grandma and these are the conclusions I came to: Open up your heart and love often. Judge less and praise more. Don't live in regret of the past or fear of the future because it takes away from the only time that exists - the present. Write thank you cards often and show appreciation for the people in your life. Say "I love you" more. Smile and laugh freely. Help someone in need - it's something you will never regret. Open more doors for people - literally and figuratively. Don't hold back on life. Find your purpose and live it everyday. Be grateful - for everything. Tears are the river of your soul - let them flow. Bask in the little things in life - they are usually what lead to the bigger things. Live more like a child - free. Move more everyday - you owe it to yourself and for those who can't move. Do something nice for a child. Listen to the well-lived (elderly) - they possess lots of wisdom. Wear your heart on your sleeve - it may get broken but it is the only way for it to get captured. Be more vulnerable - it is a sign of true strength. Love yourself more - there is no one else like you. Take more leaps - who knows? You just may fly. If you aren't passionate about your work - change it. Stay focused but take breaks to look around more - there is beauty all around you. Take time to daydream - the best ones may become your future reality. My grandma may have passed but her spirit will live on in my heart forever. I love you grandma.

Five Transformational Steps to an Extraordinary Life

Many of us, whether we are actively pursuing it or passively standing by and wishing, would like to see transformations occur in our life. How many of you have had those “aha” moments? Whether it was a fleeting thought of sheer genius or a genuine sense of peace and joy that may have only stayed for a moment. We look around us and see people with relationships that some would say “only happen in the movies,” and either say they must be one of the lucky ones or there is something wrong we don’t know about because nothing in life is that good. We look around us and see the Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Warren Buffets, and Tony Robbins and proclaim with confidence that they are so successful because they are really lucky or born with abilities that we don’t possess. We look around and see people with great physiques and abundant amounts of energy and vitality and assume they must have been born that way. The fact is that there are certain characteristics that differentiate success from failure, excellence from mediocrity, financial freedom from the chains of living paycheck to paycheck, and superior relationships from the hell of just co-existing. Here are what I call the Five Transformational Steps to an Extraordinary Life

#1: Take leaps of faith:

How many of you have felt the excitement of entering a new relationship for the first time? Upon just thinking of the other person you get a rush of the blood coursing its way through your body; your heart thumping out of your chest; a surge of energy where you’re paradoxically sleeping less yet have more energy than ever before; the feeling of butterflies moments before they open the door for a date; the excitement of bringing flowers just because you can’t get them off of your mind; or a text or a phone call just to let them know you are thinking about them. That may have never happened if you let your fear of asking that person out overcome your faith in the wonderful possibilities that could occur. You had no idea how it was going to work out. Many of you who live your lives passively from the sidelines thinking you’re playing it safe, but what your really doing is the riskiest thing of all – leaving life to chance. Choose today to step up to your greatness. Choose today to take a leap of faith and enjoy the best of what life has to offer.

“You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is." - Will Rogers

#2: Lighten the “F- - -“ up:

This is one of the best pieces of advice one my mentors ever gave me. For those of you who know me, I have one speed – GO! There is no in between for me. The most common word people have used to describe me is INTENSE. I remember I came to him because I was stressed out about something in my life. He let me vent and complain and then looked at me dead straight in the eyes and said ,”You need to lighten the f--- up! Just lighten up! You take life way too seriously!” It was exactly what I needed. It totally broke my pattern and I was able to change my state to one that served me, and interestingly enough, the more I began to “lighten up,” the more fun life became for me and I got better results in the process. All of us are going to have trials and tribulations along the way. The important thing to understand is that it’s just a normal part of life. The key is to laugh about it, learn from it, and move on.

“Stop taking life so seriously. You’ll never get out alive!” – Van Wilder

#3: The difference is in the details:

You know the book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff? I’d like to revise the title and it would be called SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! Create a profuse amount of sweat over the small stuff. The difference is in the details. If you do not think the difference is in the details, try and forget you and your spouse’s anniversary or forget to pay your rent. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary lies in the details. When it comes to your business, every detail must be accounted for. In our practice, we keep statistics about new patients, report of findings, conversions, percent conversions, referrals, missed appointments, rescheduled appointments, PVA, OVA, total office visits, total patient volume, individual patient numbers, income, objective and subjective progress of our patient’s progress, names of family members and friends, and these are just a few. And another thing, we review them constantly and have systems in place to not let a single detail slip through the crack. And if a detail slips through the crack, we find it, figure out why, and create new systems to back up and reinforce our other systems, and if we have to, systems to back up those systems. It has transformed our practice. When you have a system for doing things and keeping track of the details, you can put all of your focus where it really counts. This leads me to step number four.

#4: Obsess over your people and get them to obsess over you:

In our practice, we do anything for our patients to ensure they have a legendary experience. We treat them like they are family. We really view our practice like one big family. We obsess over creating an outstanding experience each and every time a patient enters our office. We want to provide them with an experience they cannot get anywhere else in their life. The sad truth is most people are not truly happy and fulfilled in their lives. Most people go through life in a semi-comatosed state where life consists of just “going through the motions.” What would your business look like or your relationships look like if you brought a level of intention, focus, and presence that someone has never experience before? Not only would it transform their life, but it would transform your life and the success of your business and relationships as well.

#5: Confrontation is king!

One of the surest ways to guarantee the failure of your relationships and your business and guarantee yourself to live in a state of inner turmoil and frustration is to not confront issues IMMEDIATELY when they come up. The two most common reasons people don’t confront issues is because of fear or low self-esteem. Some people will even say is because they are “too nice” which is BS. It isn’t because you are “too nice.” It is because you are scared of what other people will think of you or because of the perceived worst-case outcomes you have gone over in your head. Either way it comes down to fear or low self-esteem. Now two things I must discuss about this topic. First, the type of confrontation I am talking about is not the aggressive, or even worse, the passive aggressive comments and actions that undermine and destroy relationships. I am talking about discussing issues from a place of love and compassion that may be blocking or prohibiting you from giving your full self into that relationship, whether that relationship be with a spouse, a business associate, client, customer, or even yourself. The second thing is I know confrontation is not easy. It is one of the most difficult things I’ve had to overcome. But you know what? If you want to take your life to the next level and live in the world on the other side of ordinary called extraordinary, it must be done.

Living a life of success, joy, and abundance is not for the lazy or weak at heart. Prosperous living requires a level of presence, focus, and intensity that very few are willing to put in. But life works in a very simple way. You only get out of it what you put into it. If you put in a poor effort, you get a poor response. If you put in an extraordinary effort, you get extraordinary results. There is only one question you need to answer for yourself right now. How great do you want your life to be?

Journey of a Lifetime!

Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.
- Archimedes

As I sit here in a quaint coffee shop nestled back in a side street of my new neighborhood, I can’t help but sit back and bask in gratitude to what this new adventure in a distant land has brought into my life. I came over to Singapore with a crystal clear mission, vision, and purpose for what I wanted to get out of this experience and it has yet to disappoint. I am fulfilling my wildest dreams. Does that mean everything has been smooth or easy? The answer is it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Let’s recap some of the trials and tribulations shall we. This has been my first day off in 6 weeks – and yes that includes weekends. On average, my working day has been anywhere from 12-17 hours. Even one Friday night I slept at the office on an adjusting table because I didn’t finish with work until 11:30 PM and needed to be back Saturday morning at 7:30 AM for a full day so rather than waste the travel time to sleep in less than optimal conditions, which I will discuss in just a moment, I chose to sleep at the office using a towel as a blanket. Oh yea, and my shower consisted of cleansing with baby wipes. The first month I lived here, my accommodations was an empty, gutted house ready for demolition. Any day I could have gotten the call, to vacate because the house was coming down. I slept on the floor on the mattress pad, lived out of a suitcase, and had no hot water or refrigerator. I got very little sleep and was even so tired one day I fell asleep on the floor of my office in between patients. I got lost several times and was late almost everywhere trying to figure out the public transportation system which is completely new for me.

To many of you, this sounds like less of a dream and more of a nightmare. What about this experience has made this a dream? Let me share. I have a beautiful clinic that was built for me that I walked into and is exactly what I envisioned. It is in an amazing location and I have an outstanding staff. Everyone of my practice and financial goals are either being met, exceeded, or being surpassed in ways I never even fathomed – which is expanding my consciousness of what is possible so I am in the process of re-evaluating and increasing my goals. Everyday people are walking into the office and sharing how their lives have been transformed since starting chiropractic care. I now live in a beautiful place with marble floors, a mesmerizing 250 gallon salt water fish tank, and live-in maid in a fantastic location. I have met some amazing people from all over the world and tasted exotic and mouth-watering food from all over Asia. I began this journey with a 5 day trip to Thailand consisting of a 3 day live-a-board cruise in one the most sought after scuba diving locations in the world – which was my first time ever diving by the way. Not a bad way to begin my scuba diving career!

You see, life is all about perspective. What do you continue to focus on? Your focus and perspective determine your reality. Do you want to know how to be miserable? Continue to focus on what’s wrong with your life. Do you want to know how to change that? Begin to focus on what’s right in your life. It’s all about perspective. Not all of us want the same thing out of life. Some of us choose adventure, uncertainty, significance, and risk whereas others may choose stability, certainty, and safety. Neither is better or worse or right or wrong. It is about finding what’s important to you. Define for yourself exactly what you want out of life and know your life can change in an instant if you only change your perspective. I have found for me that an unwavering faith backed by a steadfast determination matched by the right perspective affords me the opportunity to live the life of my dreams. And the beautiful thing is the same can be true for you.

My Life at 35000 Feet

If you’ve never experienced sitting in an airplane at 35000 feet for 28 hours, it is a powerful experience. After a while you can no longer begin to differentiate between morning and night and there are only so many movies one can sit through without feeling a bit numb. Combine that with the stomach dropping turbulence and it makes for a wild ride. But do you want to know the most interesting part of the whole long-distance flying experience? It is being alone with your thoughts and yourself in one seat, in one location, for more than a day straight. It is enough to paralyze you and ignite you. The choice is always yours.

As I embark on a new journey in a new land in a new place I will be calling home for the next 3 years, many thoughts begin to run through my head. Am I making the right choice giving up a great life in the US? Will it be worth closing that chapter of my life and starting anew in a place with no family and very few friends? Will this experience be everything I expect it to be and more? I have been pondering and promulgating these questions in my mind and many more throughout the long flight and the best answer I have come up with is “I don’t know” but it is ok that I don’t know. I don’t know how everything will work out. I don’t know if this will be the right choice or if this journey will be worth it. I don’t know if this experience will be everything I hope it will be. I just don’t know. But what would life look like if we always knew what the next step would be. What if our entire life’s plan and all of the results were handed down to us ahead of time from G-d and there was no uncertainty or unknown? To some that may be very safe and reassuring, but to me, that sounds a bit boring.

I believe all of us were put on earth to create; to create the story that is our life. It is as if our life is a blank notebook and our story has yet to be told. We are sitting down with a pencil in hand and an unlimited supply of blank sheets for us to create and transcribe the story of our life. Will the story be a flawless literary piece the first time with no mistakes, bad sentences, messed up story lines, careless grammatical mistakes, and no points where you want to give up on your “story?” Not a chance! The beauty of the story is it never ends until it ends. You will undoubtedly write a part of the story that doesn’t make sense or doesn’t excite you and then what do you do? You erase it or throw the paper away again and again until you get it right. How do you know that you have gotten it right? Well, have you ever read a great book or story or watched an amazing movie, and said to yourself, “That was IT!”? It is an intrinsic feeling that reverberates throughout your body and moves you in such a way that is difficult to describe.

When we begin to sit back and realize there are no should-be’s or have-to’s and all there is to be is a creator who is continuously creating, we begin to shed ourselves of expectations which are wrought with disappointments. We begin to enter the zone of “being” where everything that is, is exactly where we are supposed to be. Do you want to be happier? Choose to be happier. Do you want to have more peace or more purpose in your life? Then choose it to be so! What is your story going to be? What is going to be your 28 hour plane ride at 35000 feet?